Don't wait for this Oscar Night Monologue
Good evening. My name's Witty Trite and I'm thrilled to be your Oscar host this evening. Of course the job's been made a bit tougher since Janet Jackson's flap (chuckle chuckle) during last year's Super Bowl. Thanks a lot Janet. You've ruined it for us all. Thanks to you I'm going to have to show some real talent tonight rather than rely purely on coarse humor and crass language (heh heh heh).
Yeah, it used to be so easy before Janet. I don't know what the big deal is. We're just feeding people what you all seem to want. I mean what's the problem with showing a little skin -- OK, a lot of skin? What's wrong with appealing to your baser instincts?
Haven't we all been taught that we're all just a pack of animals? Don't get me wrong. I'm a sophisticated man, a man of science, a man who accepts the facts of evolution. And what are those facts? Have you ever noticed the way a tribe of chimpanzees do their thing? Now that's what I'm talkin about! Yeah baby. It's love all around, especially for the alpha males - like me. I'm just be’in true to my nature. It's science. Aint no morals unless I say so, and I don't. You got to do your thing, I got to do mine. And I'm do'in mine right now.
The way I see it, you gotta think of us entertainers as sort of a mirror, a culture mirror. We just reflect you - most of you anyway. And in America today we're all Epicureans aren’t we? You know, "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you die". Amen brother! Aint it so. So until that day comes it's party time.
And all this talk about MTV, hip hop, and low culture corrupting the youth. Corrupting to who? We're just showing the kids what it's all about. We're just educaten them in the epicurean - evolutionary - get your mojo now while you still got it - creed. I mean seriously, what else is there?
Well I guess there's money. Can't forget about that can we Mr. Trump (heh heh heh). Oh no. 'Money Money Money Money....Money". Now here's the thing. We entertainers got the money - you gave it to us - and that gives us the platform and the power. So we use it to get more money and spread our message. What's the message? Epicurean evolution man! Aint you listenin?
I admit it. Most of us up here are full of ourselves. We're silly. We're vain. We're rude and we’re crude. But that's the creed man! We're animals livin in the fun zone as long as it lasts. I just happen to be on the top of the food chain - an alpha male struttin my dominance. It's all about science. So give it up for all you pagans out there and enjoy the show.
Yeah, it used to be so easy before Janet. I don't know what the big deal is. We're just feeding people what you all seem to want. I mean what's the problem with showing a little skin -- OK, a lot of skin? What's wrong with appealing to your baser instincts?
Haven't we all been taught that we're all just a pack of animals? Don't get me wrong. I'm a sophisticated man, a man of science, a man who accepts the facts of evolution. And what are those facts? Have you ever noticed the way a tribe of chimpanzees do their thing? Now that's what I'm talkin about! Yeah baby. It's love all around, especially for the alpha males - like me. I'm just be’in true to my nature. It's science. Aint no morals unless I say so, and I don't. You got to do your thing, I got to do mine. And I'm do'in mine right now.
The way I see it, you gotta think of us entertainers as sort of a mirror, a culture mirror. We just reflect you - most of you anyway. And in America today we're all Epicureans aren’t we? You know, "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you die". Amen brother! Aint it so. So until that day comes it's party time.
And all this talk about MTV, hip hop, and low culture corrupting the youth. Corrupting to who? We're just showing the kids what it's all about. We're just educaten them in the epicurean - evolutionary - get your mojo now while you still got it - creed. I mean seriously, what else is there?
Well I guess there's money. Can't forget about that can we Mr. Trump (heh heh heh). Oh no. 'Money Money Money Money....Money". Now here's the thing. We entertainers got the money - you gave it to us - and that gives us the platform and the power. So we use it to get more money and spread our message. What's the message? Epicurean evolution man! Aint you listenin?
I admit it. Most of us up here are full of ourselves. We're silly. We're vain. We're rude and we’re crude. But that's the creed man! We're animals livin in the fun zone as long as it lasts. I just happen to be on the top of the food chain - an alpha male struttin my dominance. It's all about science. So give it up for all you pagans out there and enjoy the show.
posted by Publius @ 6:36 PM
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