by Mark R. Schneider
Normally, my time toughened emotions are ample protection from the daily reminders that American society is pushing civility to the lowest common denominator. Like most people I’ve become inured to the constant instances of brutish behavior, resigned to the fact that our culture’s downward trend is all but inevitable. Day to day I don't give it much thought. This last week, however, has inflamed my senses anew.
I guess it started on a recent overnight business trip. I was sitting in a small airport lounge with fellow passengers when I was forced to take notice of several people simultaneously competing with each other for who could talk the loudest into their cell phones. I’m always amazed that so many people have no compunction about divulging to all within earshot the intimate details of their business and private lives. I’m even more amazed when these conversations are carried into closed environments, likes airplanes, rental car buses, and - dare I say it - restroom stalls. It's incredible. Do they actually want the rest of us to hear all this? Or are they so insensitive as not to care? I honestly don't know. Part of me wonders if they just think it's cool. “Hey, look at me. I’m a hip guy talking important business with my latest gadget. Aren’t you jealous?” There seems no limit to people’s cell phone selfishness, forcing their conversation into restaurants, theatres, playhouses, the symphony, the venues keep expanding. Recently I read that one reason the movie industry is suffering is because so many adults are tired of paying $7.50 a ticket only to be accosted by a steady stream of clicks, beeps, and annoying ring tones.
Moments before penning these words I'd gone to the local Starbucks where my senses were assaulted by earsplitting sounds emanating from numerous kids in cars, their windows open and decibels blaring, whose mission, it seemed, was to broadcast the most demeaning and sordid (but thankfully mostly unrecognizable) lyrics one could imagine to as many people as their 200 watts per channel built in boom boxes could reach. I could not help but wonder where these kids get the money for this sort of gear, and what parent would allow their children to behave in this way?
Walking into the coffee shop I looked around (where I was again besieged by the obligatory cool tunes ) while waiting in line. Along with the usual business types were – I’m sorry but there’s no other way to put it - a motley looking assemblage of bedraggled, pierced, obese, disheveled, tattooed, and barely dressed people. If you think these folks have all fallen on hard times, their bodies scarred and misshapen from past living or because they cannot afford a healthy diet, you would be wrong. Most of these folks ( I know because I see them all the time) come from a very well to do neighborhood. Indeed, they look this way because the grunge look is all the fashion, and not just among teenagers but increasingly for adults in mid-life. And it is precisely because people have an abundance of disposable income that they can afford to spend it on a dissolute diet of fast, sugary, and fat laden, foods which has now become the norm. I'm always stunned upon returning from a trip overseas at the shabby appearance that Americans not only feel content with, but that many actually emulate.
As a portrait of American culture this is discouraging, but the devolution of public discourse is much more alarming. Case in point: Last Sunday I was teaching my two young children the rudiments of the golf swing at our local public driving range. Next to us were two young men in their early twenties and another man in his sixties, all demonstrably proficient with a golf club. As it turned, however, they were even more adept with their use of four letter expletives and base conversation. My children were no more than ten feet from this trio when out of their mouths ushered forth some of most debased discourse conceivable – no further elaboration needed. When I turned to confront the men I was shocked to see that they were in fact employees of the golf course and that the older man was the course Marshal, whose ostensible job was to police civility. I was flummoxed.
Yet sadly, this kind of language is now so predominant where I live that about the only public place you can be sure to escape it is in a church. Yes, I know that certain words have been around for a long time. But up until the last two decades or so they were more or less limited to private conversations among intimates, whether in a poker game, a business meeting, among close friends, or on the battle field. Only rarely, and then out of a drunk or a recognized reprobate, would you hear them expressed in public wantonly. What has changed is that now they are dispensed gratuitously by a large segment of the public and regardless of who might be listening, including small children. Of course the entertainment media has had a narcotic addiction to all things vulgar. But increasingly, you also hear it on late night news shows and out of the mouths of politicians.
I’m no prude. I was twenty-two before I was called by Christ and lived many years in earnest pursuit of my appetites. And I have spent my entire adult career mixing it up in a corporate and legal arena not known for genteel sensibilities. I recognize also that the vignettes I’ve cited are mere anecdotes of a much more nuanced phenomenon. Still, I’m old enough to remember and young enough to comprehend that American has lost something of inestimable value: civility.
In the book of Timothy we are told:
There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God….(2 Tim 3:1-4)
No, I’m not saying American incivility is evidence for the “last days”. Yet certainly Paul’s words are an apt description of our culture today and a vivid illustration of the depths to which we’ve descended.
What’s the solution? At this point in our cultural devolution I don’t really know if there is one, at least on a human level. Looking at history I cannot think of a single example of a culture that reached the level of national insensitivity Americans exhibit today that was able to turn itself around. All the great empires of the past fell from within: Babylonian, Persian, Greece, and Rome. So apart from another Great Awakening to stem or even reverse the tide (which I hope and pray for), I find few historical precedents for optimism, Nineveh notwithstanding.
So what do we do in the midst of all this?
We expose it. We call attention to it. We confront it, lovingly and gently, but we do not shrink back. We are called to “speak the truth in love.” So we courteously request that people tone down their language in public settings when it’s insulting and crude, we make a gentle request that people keep their voices down when talking on their cell phones, or better yet turn them off. We stop watching gratuitous TV, buying prurient DVDs, and patronizing movies with no redeeming value. Most importantly, we start modeling the behavior we would like to see in our neighbors. We carefully attend to our personal appearance, including our diets. We exercise self-control in all our manner of speech. We inculcate in our children a high regard for civility in all the dimensions of life and we practice it ourselves assiduously.
No, these simple actions will likely not stem the self-destructive tide of our society but that’s not the point. As ministers and ambassadors of Christ we are under a duty to reach out in love to a lost and dying culture. As our great Lord reminds us…
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. (Matt 5:14-16)
American incivility may be
fiat accompli, but that doesn’t mean we have to lay down for it. Let your light shine.
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